I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize