I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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