Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
this boner is exhausting
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
