Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
