bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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