I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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