Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
