You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
