I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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