I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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