im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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