you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
