it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
