he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
