he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
