I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
