none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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