It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
