I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
