if only i could text you this smell
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My ass is underappreciated
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
