i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
