I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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