Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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