Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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