I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The Olympian is in my bed
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