Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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