i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
