Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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