So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
