Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize