The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
