worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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