Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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