I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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