whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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