i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
