And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
