in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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