You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
