got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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