Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
