Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
