Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
