I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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