Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
