She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
