she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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