can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
