I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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