hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
