How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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