So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
