if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
