I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
