you guys were way drunker than both of me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize