she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
