Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
