You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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