you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
