you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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