I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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