I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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