I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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