chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
...so i touched it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Ketchup is God's man juice
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
