I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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