Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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