I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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