My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
